Saturday, September 26, 2009

Mommy of the Year Award

Well...in reading a blogger fiends post about the little "rules" that she breaks, I thought I would do my own. I related to MANY of the ones that she cited...and so many more.

Mom, Linda and Sarah....your grandchildren are safe I promise, even if this post suggests otherwise. :)

With having four children, all under the age of 2 (I can't say 1 anymore cause my little G is growing up so fast!) I have had numerous opportunities while juggling 3 infants to break a few "by the book" rules that only "bad mom's" break. I have come to terms with it though. I am almost always exhausted...imagine if I actually did everything by the book? It would be utterly exhausting with one (in my opinion) and certainly quadrupally (no idea if that can actually be made into a real word) exhausting with 4.

1) (this seems to be the most cited "mistake" other mom's make) Not strapping the kiddos in their swings.

2) We always have tons of leftovers that never get eaten, so instead of washing the dishes, I have thrown away a lot of our tupperware because, the idea of gagging at something other than baby poop is just horrifying to me.

3) I have put all 4 kids to bed very early so that I can crack open a bottle of wine and watch DVR'ed shows that I rarely get to watch.

4) I let all 4 of them nap wherever they fall asleep. I went through a phase of making sure they were all in bed when they napped, but I found it absoluetly miserable in every way to wake a sleeping baby and hope that it doesn't cry and wake up the brothers and sisters. G fell asleep on the bathroom floor while I bathed the other three and I left her there for a while until the guilt of being a bad mom was far too much to handle.

5) I shamefully get a little glee when any of the younger 3 cry in others arms, and then stop as soon as they are handed over to me.

6) I have used baby wipes instead of baths (I hate myself for this!)

7) When I’m feeling bad about myself, I load all of the kids in the car and go to Target. Then, I walk around until someone looks at the cart full of children and says, “Oh my, I don’t know how you do it!” I don’t even buy anything. I just go for a little validation and attention, and then come home.

8) When the twins were first born, I went almost a week without showering because I didn't have time!

9) I loooove taking showers, and probably subject my nanny to longer time of having the kids by herself than I need to because it is peace and quiet

10) (Being a former teacher I really should know better...)...When reading aloud to G, late at night because she won't go to bed, I skip pages on the "one more book" to get done sooner.


Many many more, but now I am feeling far too embarrassed. Haha... with that it IS shower time for Mommy while the kiddos are asleep.

sdg

Thursday, September 24, 2009

3 weeks later...

Almost too much to post to even know where to start. One topsy turvy month September has been. K and I are working on a temporary separation. He is living downtown in a hotel while I flounder between work and taking care of 4 kids. It has been nothing short of a nightmare. Ugh....almost too disappointing to even feel like posting. For those of you out there in the blog world...just know that we are all coping the best way we know how. We are back in counseling. It is a lot of yelling and a lot of crying on my part. More on that when I feel motivated to type.

I am working on getting a form made up to be able to post the pictures I take of weddings and portraits and things, so that you can all see what I have been up to professionally.

In other news, the twins are growing like crazy! Rolling over is a huge thing now. Of course J is about a month ahead of them, so he has been keeping me on my toes. He really really wants to start scooting across the floor, just can't muster the strength yet...but where there is a will, there is a way. I am sure it won't be long.

Construction has begun on our basement. This is something we have been planning for a very long time, and now the contractor finally has time to fit us in. Drywall, carpet and new stairs have been installed, as well as the plumbing for the bathroom. Despite K's absence, I have set up the pool table that I bought him for his birthday. Ugh. It has been great to see how fast they have been able to get it done, but very stressful, because I feel like the house is just filthy between construction boots being extremely muddy (TONS OF RAIN lately) and saw dust, it never seems to end. After the tile is installed in the bathroom and the paint is finished, we will have a game room (pool table/ping pong table) and a play room for the kiddos and kind of a suite downstairs for our nanny. So far so good.

N has been having severe breakdowns lately. Nothing seems to trigger them, just crying inconsolably. We have a doctors appointment tomorrow to get him checked out, because I can't figure out what is wrong with him!

I need sl;eep. Senior portrait shoot tomorrow afternoon and of course the workers will be here by 7. Hopefully we will have a restful night. I have had quiet 7 hour nights the last 10 nights in a row. AMAZING is all I have to say about that. Time for bed. More later, I promise...and hopefully not 3 weeks from now. :)

sdg

Thursday, September 3, 2009

And then there were 5...

My post won't be all that long today. I am exhausted and frustrated and just plain sad. K left. No explanation, no nothing. Just a "sorry, I can't do this anymore..." and that was it. I have no idea what happened, nothing I can point to to explain his behavior. None of it makes sewnse. The counseling was going well. I felt like we had a rhythm in our routine with the kiddos and that was making things a little less hectic. I have been a mess for the last 3 days, not hearing from him at all. His family has all called me trying to figure out where he is and what is going on. It is so painful. KN has been hired back full time and my mom is here helping. Being sad and having 4 kids depending on you does not mix well.

G keeps asking for her daddy and then will come up to me and ask "ok, mommy? ok?" She is very worried....so am I. All the other kiddos seem somewhat oblivious, although J was really taking to K as far as who he prefers to rock him to sleep, feed him, etc. He has not been the happiest camper lately.

I truly am scared for the first time since we heard about V's heart about what the future will hold. It makes me furious sometimes and others I am just sad. I of course can't sleep when I should be sleeping when all of the hooligans are down, and so 2 sleepless nights have not been helpful in any aspect.

I shoot an engagement portrait session this afternoon and I don't even feel like going. Hard to capture the excitement of entering into marital bliss when my marital status is pending. Ugh. I need a shower and then off to pull some magic out of my camera bag in hopes that I can deliver what they are looking for. More soon.

SDG